This Bavarian capital done give us the coldest welcome so far; getting $60 fine by DB right after the arrival, for merely forgetting to "validate" the ticket. After all the disservice, delays and cancellations they give us, they require that the customers (probably tourists who most likely will fail to) stick to this nonsensical system of locating a tiny box on the platform with barely no instruction written, stick your purchased ticket to have it stamped before getting on a train. SURE, everyone does that at all time. They also demand this fine paid by cash, which gives me great suspicion especially when there is no written citation given. Okeedokes. I feel the worst since I knew this. Was warned. I even remember to do this myself in Berlin, why didn't I warn my boy?
A little flashback to our time in Kassel, Oct 2016. We took a city tram with our lovely host Mayumi, who showed us around just a few of the best POIs we could stop in our limited time. A lovely walk by Orangerie and Karlsaue, an awesome dinner nearby, we fall in love and decide to come back. (see earlier post) On our tram ride back home, we try to pay but the machine would not take cash nor non-European credit card. Left with no option, Mayumi tells us, from her own experience, that it is legal to stay on since the machine is down. Of course then comes a stocky middle-aged gentleman checking our tickets, and literally starts yelling at us in German. Mayumi, less than one year spent in Germany, tries her best to explain in English but all we get is "NO ENGLISH! (then more German yelling) 250 euro! (even more German yelling)" we just try to maintain our cool. A young local tries to interfere and be our translator for a bit, but the company man just wouldn't listen. So he takes our cash and tries to stick it into the machine, sure enough it doesn't eat. He asks if we have CC and sure, but not the one it takes. He basically blows off steam from his marble-sized nostrils and walks away. Our eyes were teary.
This has happened to me before. Fuck was I thinking?
Then, at Hofbrauhaus the Original, the WORST service I've ever received anywhere; we grab a seat in the patio, but every server in the section proactively avoids any eye contact. Starving, we grab one of the pretzel girls and shell out 3.75 or so for a massive one. Fun to look at, dry for my taste. 25min later, some ex-wrestler/KSK/convict comes to our table. I ask for a Dunkel, Danimal an HB Original in a small glass ala Amsterdam style but he says they only serve 1-litre stein. The Karl Gotch comes back with Dan's OG and SLAMS on our table, a true "Bavarian style." Takes another 15min to come back with mine, upon placing the order he brings us a check then goes "Pay me when I give you food." All this could've been fine if this prison guard had treated us with a teeny bit more respect, but with the hunger, the exhaustion and the rage of DB fine lingering fresh, I lose my shit. Honestly ready to walk out, down our liter-size steins and ninja/French goodbye. Or take this knife and try my luck with our yoked-up correctional officer.
I've got my demons. I'm aware of them. Let's just say I try my hardest.
So the food comes, I give my card to the ex-con and he asks if I wanna leave a tip, in a slightly more gentle manner. I scoff, "Let me do that with cash, don't worry about it for now" I tell him.
To be fair, the sauerkraut was not bad.
We walk out, feeling ripped off. Having traveled 9 hours to be greeted like we did, demoralized. Outside, the astonishing sights of Marienplatz where a forest of selfie sticks rise towards Glockenspiel, and familiar brand names fill the ground level of age-old buildings just like they did in Amsterdam. After all the distance, we remain deep in the same belly of Behemoth saying "Welcome to the-place-you've-never-been, now open your wallet and drop everything." I went to HB in Berlin just a week ago. Been to one in fucking VEGAS. I'm laughing at myself for stepping into the same pile of shit many times over. I never learn. #facepalm Then I look up.
Einfarht. Ausfarht. Entrance and exit. Then around the corner from it;
We die laughing.
"You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you'd be stupid not to." - Louis CK
Soundchaser/two-time Independent Music Awards finalist. New EP "Six Songs from Insomnia" is out on all major streaming platforms.